COOOKIESSSS

yum. check out gourmet magazine's website and see what they have on display this month.


GO BAKEEEEEEEEEEEE.

i'm sorry mr. jackson...

...you no longer own Neverland....where will you now meet children?

tina returns to snl...

unbelievable.

umm, uhhh, you know, uhhhh, ahhhh. bahhhhh.


















"we have trade missions back and forth", DUH KATIE.

my two favorite people

phenomenal.

this is real...

and unbelievable.

a horrible combination.

celine is a liar, a freak, and a witch.

rachael ray is an idiot.



this is really the worst thing ever.

oh yes i turned, look at me, woooo, woooo.

WEINERS!!!!!

martha martha martha....is amazing this week.



no wayyy!!!

oops.

i just realized that the two posts following this one are bordering on inappropriate. or, the line may have possibly been crossed. not my fault. but, to lighten things up a little, here are three celebs and things they can't live without, as declared by moi (this is a big joke that there is no need to laugh at).

katie holmes, wearing her favorite (tom's) jeans, clearly. this screams 'creepy GAP ad'


samuel l. jackson and his kangol hat. never gets old. you tell them, samuel.

aaaaaaaaand for old time sake: britney sporting her favorite look, and drinking her favorite drink. and, really just looking pretty awesome.

i heard it on the soup...

the soup blog on E!online recently brought something entirely new to the table. the topic: toys for kids. more importantly: an addition to the 'super soaker' family of water guns made by Hasbro (the product was new in 2006). check it out.

Name: Ooozinator

product details: "Sneak up on your opponents with a surprise bio-ooze attack! Just when they think you’re coming at ‘em with water, blast ‘em with a shot of icky bio-ooze! Shoot out globs of gooey bio-ooze and then drench ‘em with water! It’s a double blast attack that’ll keep your opponents on their toes and running during every water fight. With the OOZINATOR blaster you don’t just get soaked, you get drenched!"

i'm sorry, did you say gooey bio-ooze?

and, if you're really in for a shock, the commercial:



this is all REAL AND TRUE, and i'm sorry.

i was alerted this weekend of a time when mccain was caught saying something on air that, well, maybe shouldn't have been said on air.

i couldn't find the real video, but i did find this response. please note: the 'c' word might-indeed-infact be the worst word in the world. (please don't say it, please don't say it. covering ears)

happy birthday.....!

can you believe michael jackson has turned 50??


who would DARE disagree that mj is lookin good these days?


lookin good mj, lookin good.

anderson cooper

is funnier than regis. and he's right, living lohan is atrocious.



ten gold stars for anderson. you go boy.

please say they didn't.....

.....do a fashion shoot with tyra banks as michelle obama......

oh yes they did.

so, check out the Harper's Bazaar article. and take a peek at the pics...this is weird right?

and the most painful one of all

awkward.

did loreal make a booboo?

uhhh ohhhhhhhhhh.

cosmetics giant, L'Oréal Paris, is being accused of lightening more than just the hair of Beyonce Knowles. an ad for a Feria hair coloring product features Knowles looking somewhat different than her normal self. L'Oréal 100% denies these accusations. you decide.

pile of WHAT?!

i was alerted today of an absolutely astounding discovery....drum roll please.

you may know the following young child as......well, shiloh (jolie)-pitt, right? ain't she just so cute?



well, sadly, if you do a little letter-changing in the todler's name....and switch the sh of shiloh with the p of pitt, you get......p-iloh sh-itt. ugh, that sucks.

it's MYgazine, not YOURgazine.

not funny.

copyright infringement is not cool. but apparently it is cool.

check it outtttttt: find all your favorite magazines from front page to back online....check it out here and enjoy what soon may be no longer.

you'll find articles on amazing things like.....the jolie-pitt twins...as seen below..(collective 'awwwww')

pigtails? really?

mccain: no offshore drilling? you craaaaaaaazy.



paris: a pink white house? totally hott.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

a crucial observation: is that paris hilton on a plastic lawn chair? i have no words.

cnn: you are a joke.

a joke is what you are, cnn.

as i'm sure many of you have noticed, the cnn homepage has turned into somewhat of a sensationalized headline front. this is embarrassing. more embarrassing, but hilarious at the same time, is that you can now buy t-shirts from cnn with their already-chosen headlines of the day. just a few examples of recent headlines:

"can you see jesus' face in cat fur?"

"olympic athletes tested...for gender"

"air guitarist loses toe in stage dive"

"meet japan's 73-year-old porn star"

so i guess check it out

HOLY FATHER'S DAY

meet bill. meet luke. meet the two stupidest people on the planet. oh, and, happy father's day?

to really grasp the "lowness" of their iq's, be sure to watch the clip in it's entirety. happy father's day?? QUESTION MARK.

go commando

today a woman sued victoria's secret for an injury sustained while trying to put on a thong.

(item in question is the 'V-String' from the 'Sexy Little Things' line of lingerie. Item above is the 'Peek-a-boo V-String' from the same line.)

so what really happened? well, a "decorative metal piece" flew off and hit her in the eye.

wait, who buys underwear with metal attachments?

oh...my.....god....

tonight, at 9:33pm pacific coast time, i have found my true calling. well, maybe not quite. BUT, i can now successfully highlight the link between my college major with the superficiality that is red carpet obsession. shall we call it celebrity geography? the geography of fame? the mapping of v.i.p's? the geography of the rich and famous? actually i like that one:

the geography of the rich and famous.

page six.com (new york post gossip section) features the STAR MAP....oh my. so you click on the star on the map and it tells you who the celebrity was and what they were doing.


maybe this needs to become a national mapping project. this is going so many steps too far. s-t-a-l-k-i-n-g. awful? or amazing?

dude ben...

that's just weird.


ben affleck hangs with some young ones at a children's charity event in calgary, canada. i don't get why he didn't just stand up and take this photo. that way no one would notice that his head is maybe three times the size of theirs. and please, that cheeeeeeesy smile?

political jeopardy

hannah montana: what is the capital of montana.

nba

talk about social awkwardness.

lynn spears' book.

i've already pre-ordered my copy of this one...


Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World by Lynn Spears is due out this fall.

ummmm.....it's a REAL story?!?!? i can't wait. can someone confirm what we don't already know about fame in a tabloid world? i hope this memoir is a five page paperback.

A Claymate for Daddy...

File this one under "WTF?"...

...Clay Aiken has fathered a child.

people.com reported yesterday that Clay is expecting a baby with music producer Jaymes Foster (sister of David Foster.) It seems his fans are positively gay with glee.

Evidently, miracles do happen.

Image from www.people.com.

Vanessa Hudgens is so sweet she's neuter.

Vanessa Hudgens looks better than she sounds. WAY better.

The sad reality is that this would be true if she looked like a dog turd. As evidence, I give you her song Sneaker Night from her album Identified. It's so bad - lyrically and muscially - that I forgot my own name for a moment.

This song reminded me of my greatest mistake in life - that when I go out dancing late into the night with a hot little number, I expect something at the end of the evening besides a wholly platonic, non-suggestive high five. She's sexy, she's legal - let her transition to more adult themes. Hey - Miley Cyrus did it at only 15. Hudgens doesn't have to be a singing Jenna Jameson - but this crap is too sweet to be real.

"Are you ready? Did you eat? Do you have the energy?" Yes, I do - but not the stomach. Call us when you want more than a high-five, V.

are you an idiot?

ohhhh i get it! YOU'RE AN IDIOT.


my take on this: mr. peter wentz draws attention to THE PAPER PLATE on his face to distract people away from looking at his wife's BABY BUMP. this is a foolish plan mr. wentz.

EAT FRESH

subway is creating a buzz these days. for all of you crazies who don't already know this, at the beginning of may subway launched a $5 footlong deal. you can now buy 8 different footlong (TWELVE WHOLE INCHES!) sandwiches at subway for only $5. this sounds really great (and truly is), but this doesn't mean that subway needs to jazz up their website with a 'Find Your Inner Sub' quiz. but what the hell, i must've ended up at their stupid website for a reason (actually i was directed there by the access hollywood website which makes things/me even more pathetic). just take the goddamn quiz.

MMMM CLICK HERE FOR QUIZ.

additional and meaningless crap on the website includes the supposed 10th anniversary celebration of "jared the subway guy"

losing lots of weight by eating subway for breakfast, lunch and dinner. what? (he probably ate no mayo, that's boring). if you've walked into a subway recently you've probably seen a giant cardboard cutout of jared holding the pair of jeans he wore before he lost weight. so, now you can play the 'pants dance' game at the subway website too. wait, really?


and finally, if you really love the $5 footlong ad, you can watch it below. and if you are obsessed with the song, you can download the remix of it at the subway website that you've already visited. (please don't download it).

a simple and superficial comparison: who's prettier?



we all know the answer to this question. cameron diaz (above right, duh) is on the set of my sister's keeper. below, you can see what they both normally look like.



niiiiiiiiiice britney (and, as always, we love your manny behind you)

it's complicated.

denise richards strives to 'protect' her children during her very public divorce with charlie sheen. apparently in order to 'protect' your children during a 'private' divorce, you should invite the cameras into your house for your own reality show. check out the sneak peak trailer for her show, starting on E! on memorial day.



i'm disturbed.

ugh. lohan

not surprisingly, lindsay lohan continues to draw media attention to herself with her close encounter "lesbian kiss" with dj samantha ronson. right. she's done it before with pamela anderson. also pictured. again, who cares. (i really don't)

john: we just have a disagreement

ellen: so, let's talk about the elephant in the room



take that JOHN.

thank you to svd....a juicy contributor

we got the creamiest milk in the 50 states...


i like my cabot cheddar extra sharp...


we got the biggest snow plows in the u-s-a...


we got one area code and it's 802...

HAHAHAHHA

tori, stop being so pregnant and pay attention to what you're doing.

you have completely missed the cone. it's a sad day for you.

the best ad ever.

i love this. oh i will not be ashamed.

a must watch.

ellen is.....

getting married!!!!

ellen announces the happy news just a day after the california supreme court overturns the ban on gay marriage.




who's the lucky lady? why, portia de rossi of course.

angelina's twwwinnies

jack black is amazed or disturbed or whatever at the sight of angelina's baby/ies bump.


















and yes, she's having two babies. and they're due in august. this means that the jolie-pitts will have more babies than i know how to count.

battle....

of the jaywalk all-stars. tonight i'm going to bed with a lower iq. 50 x 2 = 100. that is all.

uh-ohhhh....

sue simmons, what happpppppened?!?!??!!

the well-known nbc 'live at five' newsanchor in nyc drops the F bomb during the news....(she did apologize later on....well, the later news). check it out.

best week ever.

so this recaps a little of last week -- but it's so funny. think, american idol and more tom cruise on oprah. check out part 1 of vh1's best week ever. for more on the general amazingness of best week ever, check it ouuuuuuuuuut.

what celebrities would look like...

....apparently if they moved to oklahoma. however, i shall make a correction. this is what celebrities would look like if they left the major metropolitan areas and didn't have agents, stylists, and managers. (ok, ok, maybe they would look like this only if they moved to the ok).




















































































above...you've got johnny depp, sarah jessica parker, ashlee simpson, and the olsen twins.

wanna see more? check out: oklahoma celebrities

oh god.

paris goes on david letterman to discuss the following:


1) her new show called "My New BFF" -- she's in search of a new best friend....

2) her new boyfriend benji madden of good charlotte (the twin brother of joel madden, who is nicole richie's fiancee).

the audience laughs at her every comment throughout the interview. she thinks they're laughing WITH her. no no paris.

i had to cave and do it....

here it is....joel mchale from the soup on E! recaps tom cruise's first visit to oprah since the.....couch-jumping incident. in case you forgot what the couch-jumping incident was, i'll spare you the video...here's the picture.

now check out this totally awkward and uncomfortable interview at the cruise family's telluride, co compound. YAYE!

will you......

wait, will you...WHAT!!!!

this is definitely the greatest amount of press the weather channel has EVER received. thanks BOB STOKES.

hillary andrews has come forth and accused bob stokes (both pictured above) in what appears to be a case of sexual harrassment. "will you lick my swizzle stick?"
bob, seriously? a must read.

BREAKING NEWS!!

quick! hurry! if you're a mug collector, jet-set to crawford, tx to purchase the collector's edition mug with a photo of jenna bush and her almost-husband.


find out the latest wedding details in this people.com post.

don't wanna close my eyes....

liv calls it quits. gooobyyyyye to marriage....and hellllllllo to maybe more movies? please?

who could forget our favorite movies from the 90's....



and....

the hot mess makeover show

FIERCE and super trannie



watch amy poehler from snl impersonate christian soriano from project runway

UMBAMA?

wait, UMBAMA?????? UMBAMA??? UMBAMA???
















WATCH THIS: colleen shannon, one of hef's playmates, endorses Umbama, like, seriously.

i am so sad.

you make my skin crawl.

heidi montag irritates the living hell out of me. let's just review a few of the things ms. montag has said in recent months:




“I like to read a couple books at once. I was reading the Princess Diana book. I’m reading a book about Chicago and the mob. Right now I’m also reading the Bible, beginning to end. I’m very religious. That’s how I’ve gotten to where I am.” (wait, remind me "where" you currently "are"?)



“I also plan to win an Oscar. I’m very ambitious.” (you go girl...?)

wait, WHAT??????

we all knew gwb was taking up his time doing something mindless. little did we know he was spending his time watching deal or no deal.



how embarrassing.

EAT MY CAKE tony (and allow me to look like an idiot!)

ughhh the simpson sisters can't help themselves.

last week, jess helped her ltb (long-term boyfriend) celebrate his birthday by getting all down and dirty with his birthday cake.

"tony, let me force-feed you nasty blue cake that i'm already eating."

"oh wait, i want more cake. let me eat it out of your mouth."

"now, let's take a picture where you look really gross and i look like your ditzy girlfriend."

what's my name, what's my name, what's my name.

you're / we're all guilty of it (or will eventually be and don't try to deny it)

'snuggywookie can i have a back massage?'
'i'm sorry wuddleboo, i still love you'
'you're looking so cute tonight babycakes'

so, when relationship pet names came up in a conversation i had with a friend recently, i got a little curious. of course we all know about the love calculator....so, me and jimmy fallon are only 51% in love. but, if i were really in love with jimmy, what would his pet name be? light bulb! i am a genius. (google is a genius). according to links2love, when i'm feeling cuddly and cute with jimmy, i might say, 'hey Hot Lickie Chocolate Kisses-Bon-Bon, can you pass the remote?' or, you could also try the cutesy pet name generator, but unfortunately they come up with Hamster Nipples as his pet name. hmmm.

if you're not up for someone deciding for you, you can look at the following two sites:
101 fun, romantic names to call your lover
fantasy name generator for mushy names

if you want to know more about this weird phenomenon, read the following.
using pet names in your relationship


and finally, a few of the finest.

Loveheart Numnum-Sweet Cheeks

Kissable Poodle-Lovey Cakes

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