Vanessa Hudgens is so sweet she's neuter.

Vanessa Hudgens looks better than she sounds. WAY better.

The sad reality is that this would be true if she looked like a dog turd. As evidence, I give you her song Sneaker Night from her album Identified. It's so bad - lyrically and muscially - that I forgot my own name for a moment.

This song reminded me of my greatest mistake in life - that when I go out dancing late into the night with a hot little number, I expect something at the end of the evening besides a wholly platonic, non-suggestive high five. She's sexy, she's legal - let her transition to more adult themes. Hey - Miley Cyrus did it at only 15. Hudgens doesn't have to be a singing Jenna Jameson - but this crap is too sweet to be real.

"Are you ready? Did you eat? Do you have the energy?" Yes, I do - but not the stomach. Call us when you want more than a high-five, V.

are you an idiot?

ohhhh i get it! YOU'RE AN IDIOT.


my take on this: mr. peter wentz draws attention to THE PAPER PLATE on his face to distract people away from looking at his wife's BABY BUMP. this is a foolish plan mr. wentz.

EAT FRESH

subway is creating a buzz these days. for all of you crazies who don't already know this, at the beginning of may subway launched a $5 footlong deal. you can now buy 8 different footlong (TWELVE WHOLE INCHES!) sandwiches at subway for only $5. this sounds really great (and truly is), but this doesn't mean that subway needs to jazz up their website with a 'Find Your Inner Sub' quiz. but what the hell, i must've ended up at their stupid website for a reason (actually i was directed there by the access hollywood website which makes things/me even more pathetic). just take the goddamn quiz.

MMMM CLICK HERE FOR QUIZ.

additional and meaningless crap on the website includes the supposed 10th anniversary celebration of "jared the subway guy"

losing lots of weight by eating subway for breakfast, lunch and dinner. what? (he probably ate no mayo, that's boring). if you've walked into a subway recently you've probably seen a giant cardboard cutout of jared holding the pair of jeans he wore before he lost weight. so, now you can play the 'pants dance' game at the subway website too. wait, really?


and finally, if you really love the $5 footlong ad, you can watch it below. and if you are obsessed with the song, you can download the remix of it at the subway website that you've already visited. (please don't download it).

a simple and superficial comparison: who's prettier?



we all know the answer to this question. cameron diaz (above right, duh) is on the set of my sister's keeper. below, you can see what they both normally look like.



niiiiiiiiiice britney (and, as always, we love your manny behind you)

it's complicated.

denise richards strives to 'protect' her children during her very public divorce with charlie sheen. apparently in order to 'protect' your children during a 'private' divorce, you should invite the cameras into your house for your own reality show. check out the sneak peak trailer for her show, starting on E! on memorial day.



i'm disturbed.

ugh. lohan

not surprisingly, lindsay lohan continues to draw media attention to herself with her close encounter "lesbian kiss" with dj samantha ronson. right. she's done it before with pamela anderson. also pictured. again, who cares. (i really don't)

john: we just have a disagreement

ellen: so, let's talk about the elephant in the room



take that JOHN.