Vanessa Hudgens is so sweet she's neuter.

Vanessa Hudgens looks better than she sounds. WAY better.

The sad reality is that this would be true if she looked like a dog turd. As evidence, I give you her song Sneaker Night from her album Identified. It's so bad - lyrically and muscially - that I forgot my own name for a moment.

This song reminded me of my greatest mistake in life - that when I go out dancing late into the night with a hot little number, I expect something at the end of the evening besides a wholly platonic, non-suggestive high five. She's sexy, she's legal - let her transition to more adult themes. Hey - Miley Cyrus did it at only 15. Hudgens doesn't have to be a singing Jenna Jameson - but this crap is too sweet to be real.

"Are you ready? Did you eat? Do you have the energy?" Yes, I do - but not the stomach. Call us when you want more than a high-five, V.

are you an idiot?

ohhhh i get it! YOU'RE AN IDIOT.


my take on this: mr. peter wentz draws attention to THE PAPER PLATE on his face to distract people away from looking at his wife's BABY BUMP. this is a foolish plan mr. wentz.

EAT FRESH

subway is creating a buzz these days. for all of you crazies who don't already know this, at the beginning of may subway launched a $5 footlong deal. you can now buy 8 different footlong (TWELVE WHOLE INCHES!) sandwiches at subway for only $5. this sounds really great (and truly is), but this doesn't mean that subway needs to jazz up their website with a 'Find Your Inner Sub' quiz. but what the hell, i must've ended up at their stupid website for a reason (actually i was directed there by the access hollywood website which makes things/me even more pathetic). just take the goddamn quiz.

MMMM CLICK HERE FOR QUIZ.

additional and meaningless crap on the website includes the supposed 10th anniversary celebration of "jared the subway guy"

losing lots of weight by eating subway for breakfast, lunch and dinner. what? (he probably ate no mayo, that's boring). if you've walked into a subway recently you've probably seen a giant cardboard cutout of jared holding the pair of jeans he wore before he lost weight. so, now you can play the 'pants dance' game at the subway website too. wait, really?


and finally, if you really love the $5 footlong ad, you can watch it below. and if you are obsessed with the song, you can download the remix of it at the subway website that you've already visited. (please don't download it).

a simple and superficial comparison: who's prettier?



we all know the answer to this question. cameron diaz (above right, duh) is on the set of my sister's keeper. below, you can see what they both normally look like.



niiiiiiiiiice britney (and, as always, we love your manny behind you)

it's complicated.

denise richards strives to 'protect' her children during her very public divorce with charlie sheen. apparently in order to 'protect' your children during a 'private' divorce, you should invite the cameras into your house for your own reality show. check out the sneak peak trailer for her show, starting on E! on memorial day.



i'm disturbed.

ugh. lohan

not surprisingly, lindsay lohan continues to draw media attention to herself with her close encounter "lesbian kiss" with dj samantha ronson. right. she's done it before with pamela anderson. also pictured. again, who cares. (i really don't)

john: we just have a disagreement

ellen: so, let's talk about the elephant in the room



take that JOHN.

thank you to svd....a juicy contributor

we got the creamiest milk in the 50 states...


i like my cabot cheddar extra sharp...


we got the biggest snow plows in the u-s-a...


we got one area code and it's 802...

HAHAHAHHA

tori, stop being so pregnant and pay attention to what you're doing.

you have completely missed the cone. it's a sad day for you.

the best ad ever.

i love this. oh i will not be ashamed.

a must watch.

ellen is.....

getting married!!!!

ellen announces the happy news just a day after the california supreme court overturns the ban on gay marriage.




who's the lucky lady? why, portia de rossi of course.

angelina's twwwinnies

jack black is amazed or disturbed or whatever at the sight of angelina's baby/ies bump.


















and yes, she's having two babies. and they're due in august. this means that the jolie-pitts will have more babies than i know how to count.

battle....

of the jaywalk all-stars. tonight i'm going to bed with a lower iq. 50 x 2 = 100. that is all.

uh-ohhhh....

sue simmons, what happpppppened?!?!??!!

the well-known nbc 'live at five' newsanchor in nyc drops the F bomb during the news....(she did apologize later on....well, the later news). check it out.

best week ever.

so this recaps a little of last week -- but it's so funny. think, american idol and more tom cruise on oprah. check out part 1 of vh1's best week ever. for more on the general amazingness of best week ever, check it ouuuuuuuuuut.

what celebrities would look like...

....apparently if they moved to oklahoma. however, i shall make a correction. this is what celebrities would look like if they left the major metropolitan areas and didn't have agents, stylists, and managers. (ok, ok, maybe they would look like this only if they moved to the ok).




















































































above...you've got johnny depp, sarah jessica parker, ashlee simpson, and the olsen twins.

wanna see more? check out: oklahoma celebrities

oh god.

paris goes on david letterman to discuss the following:


1) her new show called "My New BFF" -- she's in search of a new best friend....

2) her new boyfriend benji madden of good charlotte (the twin brother of joel madden, who is nicole richie's fiancee).

the audience laughs at her every comment throughout the interview. she thinks they're laughing WITH her. no no paris.

i had to cave and do it....

here it is....joel mchale from the soup on E! recaps tom cruise's first visit to oprah since the.....couch-jumping incident. in case you forgot what the couch-jumping incident was, i'll spare you the video...here's the picture.

now check out this totally awkward and uncomfortable interview at the cruise family's telluride, co compound. YAYE!

will you......

wait, will you...WHAT!!!!

this is definitely the greatest amount of press the weather channel has EVER received. thanks BOB STOKES.

hillary andrews has come forth and accused bob stokes (both pictured above) in what appears to be a case of sexual harrassment. "will you lick my swizzle stick?"
bob, seriously? a must read.

BREAKING NEWS!!

quick! hurry! if you're a mug collector, jet-set to crawford, tx to purchase the collector's edition mug with a photo of jenna bush and her almost-husband.


find out the latest wedding details in this people.com post.

don't wanna close my eyes....

liv calls it quits. gooobyyyyye to marriage....and hellllllllo to maybe more movies? please?

who could forget our favorite movies from the 90's....



and....